Wednesday, September 9, 2009


I just wrote two paragraphs on pain. Embarrassed myself, deleted it, and wrote this. Now here I am, feeling pretty crappy about this blog, among other things.

Why do I start things I can't finish?

Why do I promise things I can't deliver?

Why do I let myself let myself down time after time. And yes, I meant let myself let myself.

Why do I feel this weight of the world on my shoulders one minute and then have it disappear the next? Why, when it's bearing down on me, do I desperately want to do something about it but feel far too mentally wiped out to do anything at all?

Why is work so hard?

And why, oh why, am I writing this out in a place that is so public?


Maybe you feel it too. It's nice to know you're not alone.


Dan Goldberg said...

I wish I was able to finish things. I have a keyboard and a guitar at home, neither of which I can play more than one or two things on. I have a livejournal for myself, and another one that started out as a sort of "real-life fantasy story" but that I forgot about.

You're certainly not alone.

Susanna said...

It is nice to know you're not alone. I think that absolutely alone feeling is one of the most crippling that come.

There are so many things I don't finish. But really, there are so many more that I just don't see the point to finish. Because, if one is so alone, what's the point really?

What I keep coming back to is my own powerlessness, and the odd comfort that arrives when abandoning myself to that truth. Because I do believe that despite what I can see, there is a plan, there is a design at work, and God is larger than all these broken threads.

Anyway, all that to say...I feel that way too, and at least we're all in the same boat. Some people just haven't acknowledged it yet :)