This post over at Color Me Katie prompted this posting of a self portrait. And an explanation to go with it I suppose.
For the past couple months, I have been struggling with anxiety off and on. Mostly it will hit around 3 oclock, while I'm at work figuring out what tasks will finish up the rest of my day. I've noticed a few things that seem to incite the same tightening, less-than-panic-but-more-than-calm, uncomfortable feelings.
And they are weird!
First, this blog. Have you taken a look at all the blogs I follow? I used to LOVE looking through all of them. I would take my time picking through each and every one of them - feeling inspired, creative, and relaxed. The first time I felt this 'anxiety' while browsing through my favorite blogs, I remember thinking, "Now this is weird."
Is it that I don't want to miss any? Is it that I feel intimidated by everyone else's greatness and creativity? Is it that I am forcing myself to enjoy something I may not find enjoyment in anymore?
Maybe. Maybe. No.
The other circumstance I find to be anxiety-provoking is the process of placing a lab order at the end of the day. This is odd, but hang with me for a minute. Around 3, when the pressure of the day is wearing thick, when the lunch I enjoyed is starting to put me to sleep, and when the mounting general annoyance of the office hits sky high, I begin to plan out the remaining 2 hours. Usually, I finish up a few photo-retouches and prepare them for a lab order.
Ok seriously, just trying to explain this is giving me hives. Hah... All you need to understand I guess is that it's not a stressful task but my mind seems to think I need to be panicky about it.
Whyyyyyy do I have to put up with these stupid feelings? Why does my heart pound and my breath catch for any other reason than seeing my fiance (ahhh cheesy, but I had to throw it in there!) Why do I feel like something is horribly horribly wrong when I know that it's not!?
Mom says it's hormonal. Well I say it's ANNOYING!
Give me back rationality! Give me back my generally calm demeanor! Give me back my afternoons!
My name is Rachel Lake Holt and this is my blog. I may not always provide excellent, breathtaking photography (in fact, I can't say I take anyone's breath away!) but I will provide a little window into my life in any way that I can. This blog is a tool for me to see the world and my life from a new perspective. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for stopping by!
I am a 24 year old with a love of photography, reading, friends, family, and my soon-to-be hubby, Eric! Two things I try to always have with me are my camera and my planner - so I can never miss a photo 'moment' and so I can keep my life in order.